absent

Whoa.

It's been that long? Well, my muse has been on a month-long strike for lack of summons. And it's not necessarily true though that she's back on the job. I just suddenly thought that it seems such a waste of cyberspace if I don't claim my very small part of it.

I've been on a roller coaster of emotions, ironically being raised to such lows, different kinds of lows, and different heights thereof. I'm waiting for the rainbow now. I'm waiting to reach the hilltop after traversing such dark paths. The journey has been exhausting... so far.

It seems to me that I'm back where I was 7 years ago, when I convinced myself that I wanted to take this path. And I did. And the courage of my conviction has faltered. Or maybe, it never was there anyway. I'm as lost as I've always been.

Nonetheless, I am thankful. If not for the people around me right now who genuinely wish for my happiness, who understand the sophomoric uncertainty, who respect the relativity of utter confusion, and who are actually extending their helping hands, I would be broken.

So now, where do I go from here?

Tears of Joy

What is up with me?

Sunday afternoon, surfing the web, and all the happy news are making me shed tears of joy. Labo.

First I was at People, and I see a photo tribute to Mariah's career. I loved how she said that she didn't look at 2006 as her comeback, because she never left, and her real fans have always been there. I don't know, I just started to cry.

Then, I read on Yahoo! about Helen Mirren's most recent award, Best Actress at the BAFTA, and Forest Whitaker's Best Actor award. Reading what he said, "This means a lot because to be embraced by another shore is a special thing," just made tears roll down my cheeks.

And lastly, I learned also on Yahoo! that in Manila, 6,124 couples kissed during a pre-Valentine's day festival and broke a kissing record. Awww.

My drama abruptly came to a halt, though, when, at the end of the article, Katherine Hermosa said something. Nyek. Hahaha.

Friday afternoon

It seems that I've been attending too many meetings. While taking down some notes on personal stuff, and to separate my already existing checklist from another checklist, I put on the heading: ACTION ITEMS.

Suddenly, life has seemed to be taken out of a Dilbert comic. Nice.

Enough of that, I don't want to bring work at home.

Anyhoo... It has been a while. Things are going okay. No dramas whatsoever (at least not so much anymore). As Ellis Grey would say, You're happy... It's ordinary.

It's been 3 weeks now since JesUs and I started my Sunday afternoon cooking classes. I love it, it's been fun. I love him even more, but of course, that is something that could be left unsaid. He knows it, I know it, so I don't need to tell him while making salsa di pomodoro.

With Valentine's Day coming on Wednesday, I can't help but fantasize about an uber romantic evening, contrary to the sweet dinners that we have/go to. We're usually fun, and lively, and sweet, and casual, and sometimes even risque. But now I'm thinking romance. Not that it is even something that I think would happen unless otherwise requested (i.e., by me). He's seductive, not romantic. I'm sensitive, not romantic. I light up candles for sensuality. He brings wine for things to be bubbly. So, I don't know. It will be nice, though. I don't want to hope, because it's him. He doesn't beat around the bush. He's with me, and we straightforwardly enjoy each other's company. I guess that's that. We're sweet. Not romantic. Of course, everybody could use a little romance, right?

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I miss Mommy. Daddy and I are living off the food supply Mommy prepared before she left. There's a lot, so it would take us a while. We'll make use of the time Mommy is away to make some changes around the house. I am not sure how good it will be working with Daddy, haha. The thing with him is that it's so hard to make him get up and start. Once he's up, it's easy though. With Mommy, once I'm ready, she's ready too. Kahit anong paabot, game sya! Hehe.

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Okay, Cushie's here to chat with me...

Worry-free

You really handle things very lightly. So zen.

Well, I have two options: Do what I have to do, or do what I have to do while stressing about it. I choose the first one.

How does he do it?

Since 2007 began, I told myself I'm going to do that. It has only been a couple of weeks, so I can't really gauge how successful I have been. However, I found a little questionable variable to the Worry-free equation.

In the things that I know I didn't stress about too much since the year began, I found, though, that the reason I was able to do so was because I also cared less.

But I don't want to care less! So I asked the expert.

No, you do not care less, he said, You just deal with it, mincing at every step.

I don't know how I would get used to the fact that caring is a variable, but not in direct proportion to worrying. It does take some practice. And I'm getting right on it.

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On a totally different note, I'm currently listening to Miss Saigon, singing to the tune, loving every part of it, because the heat is on in Saigon!

I remember a couple of years ago, I saw this with my best friend, Apes, when Miss Saigon went to the Philippines, and Lea Salonga reprised her Tony Award winning role.

It's soothing, really, my favorite musicals, despite the intensity, and despite how vivid it still is to me, such a movie in my mind.

I wish I could see more musicals. JesUs doesn't like it, he says he's not there yet. Maybe I should still look some up, and bring my parents. I'm sure they'd love it.

Betty La Fea

So, I was watching the American version of Betty La Fea, aptly called Ugly Betty, and there was this character of a Japanese designer who, contradictory to his minimalist designs, had a huge entourage. Anyway, one of his guys carried around a white boombox with him all the time. Here's the problem: whenever they were in a scene, the boombox was playing Bebot by the Black Eyed Peas.

Eh.

Oops, wrong Asian nation!

New Blog

New Year, New Blog!

I felt like moving away from my lovely black and have something diametrically opposing it. This change can be a metaphor of sorts, but I think it was mainly because my eyes are getting worse, and it would be unfortunate if I could not even read my own blog.

But, yes, metaphors they may be.

A couple of days ago, I had toasted to the year that was, that made us who we are today. So I looked back.

2006. This time last year, I was mainly troubleshooting: my life, my feelings, my mistakes, just trying to bring things back to the way they were, even if I was desperate for a change. I was doing that, oblivious, of course, of the leap of faith that I would be making in the next couple of months. And change came when I least expected it.

It was a battle, 2006 was. It was a battle of trying to prove that I've grown. It was a battle against myself and everyone around me. I don't know if I already won the battle, but certainly, victory would be sweet, and I am already filled with its aroma.

Glass half empty, glass half full. It's just a matter of how you look at it. For 2006, I couldn't say. Because I'm certain I definitely saw it as both, and both at the same time. And now that I'm looking at it, now that I'm in 2007, the glass just got bigger. So really, I couldn't say.

So I move away from my lovely black to the diametrically opposing white. I'm turning around. In 2006, I got comfortable. I pray, and I will definitely try to make it happen, that 2007 will be an exclamation point, even if the sentence has not ended.

Happy Birthday, Ricci

Cheers to the 2006 that made us who we are at 2007! Happy New Year!

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite niece!