i didn't

Well, so, I didn't. The moment wasn't right. I just wasn't ready.

We were both so hyped up by our Mac and Deja Vu discussions, that it could not have been said.

What the hell, right. Something like this should not even be planned. It should only come out so naturally, making it all the more real. I know I am very much compelled to let him know already.

Because life's to short, babe, time is flying. I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine.

And, from what I know, he should be looking for baggage that goes with his, too.

It should be simple.

We don't know what the future holds, so let me just seize the moment and tell you that I am in love with you. And it just makes me so damn happy to let you know that.

One thing, though, that I know that's standing in the way is this doubt in me. I have been such a relationship-flop to be skeptic about my own feelings. For some reason, I confuse one for the other, I equate one with another, I choose one over the other. So doubtful, it makes me afraid because I don't know what I'm getting into.

I find myself staring into space, not particularly knowing what exactly I am thinking about. But that silence is both my comfort and my hell. Distractions run through my brain as I try to focus on thinking of him, and thinking about what I feel for him. What do I feel for him? There is no thundering of my heartbeat, my palms don't get sweaty when I think of him. But these signs are apparent when I think of him being gone.

Seriously, can I just please get some clarity around here? Even at least for this. I so don't know where I'm heading to already, can I just please know who I'm walking with?