I realized now why I haven't been blogging, and why it is that when I do write up an entry, it would be about some shallow thing like the weather, the shoes I want to have, or a little this or that about my pathetic non-love life.
It is because after I read an entry from Kerol, and she talks about marital problems or bliss and the kids who I very much adore who at their young ages are making everyone so proud, and when I would think that I do need to post something so as not to abandon this blog like I did to my other accounts, I pause and ask myself, "seriously, who do you think would want to know about your shallow drama? If you don't have something profound or creative to say or write about, don't say it. Otherwise, you're just taking up cyberspace that may be used for something useful like ebay or internet porn. At least that would give someone pleasure."
In a broader sense, I guess my shit is just not important. It's no contribution to society. It's just plain shallow.
I rant about a guy I'm deeply in love with who doesn't feel the slightest bit of affection. How pathetic is that? It should be an easy fix. Kerol and I were chatting the other day:
B: alam mo, super in love ako with this guy talaga.
B: tapos alam ko pang hindi nya ako love as much.
Kerol: biang_brat: tapos, alam ko pang hindi naman nya ako love as much...--edi lalong boo to me...kala ko ba love nya ako as much????
So see, I guess it is boo to her if that's her case right. And mine shouldn't be a problem.
But it does hurt. Because pain is relative. And maybe it's okay for me to complain, and rant, and be pathetic for my petty "dilemmas".
Kerol found solace in her room of solitude. It was her escape. Meaning, she has some things to escape from for her sanity. And that's good.
My life of solitude is tormenting. Quiet. Deafening silence type of thing. Unwanted. Unneeded. Unloved.
What do I live for? Who do I live for? Nothing. No one.
My friends are very much my friends that, like me, they know that no matter how much we won't talk or see each other, everything will stay the same. Although, they don't know, like I don't know, when I could really use one.
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
1 comment:
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
that's true but only if you juxtapose your problems with everyone else's and take it at face value.
i think no one's problem is bigger than the one's who is going through it. if pain is relative, so are problems.
personally, when i have a dilemma, like kunwari, should i stay or should i go, i feel that my problema is bigger than the famine in somalia. sometimes i even thnk that at least in somalia, other people go out of their way to help, eh sa kin ako lang yung makaka help sa self ko when i don't know what to do, or when i'm not brave enough to take action, i feel well, helpless.
so really biang, no matter how petty you think your problem is, it's big coz it's yours.
does that make sense?
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