My friends are very much my friends that, like me, they know that no matter how much we won't talk or see each other, everything will stay the same. Although, they don't know, like I don't know, when I could really use one.
I am guilty of this.
I will be there soon, Apes.
Guess I'm off to NYC.
27 October 2006
10 October 2006
river piedra
Mutual admiration society, ever, pero seryoso, the more I love the members of this society (hihihi), the more it seems that everyone else just doesn't matter.
Okay, I know that is a hyperbole of sorts and that may mean that I love the other people I love less. But it's not that way exactly. These people are just so there, so here in my life that I could literally feel them sitting in the left atrium of my heart. They just so provide the oxygen that keeps me alive.
Anyhoo, the reason for my glee is Ate Jing's advice to check out page 95 of By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. And here it is:
If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
-- by Paulo Coelho
I will read this repeatedly so that it will resonate in my heart.
Nonetheless, I am just so grateful that I have very wise friends who care.
Okay, I know that is a hyperbole of sorts and that may mean that I love the other people I love less. But it's not that way exactly. These people are just so there, so here in my life that I could literally feel them sitting in the left atrium of my heart. They just so provide the oxygen that keeps me alive.
Anyhoo, the reason for my glee is Ate Jing's advice to check out page 95 of By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. And here it is:
If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.
Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
-- by Paulo Coelho
I will read this repeatedly so that it will resonate in my heart.
Nonetheless, I am just so grateful that I have very wise friends who care.
08 October 2006
ate jing wrote...
pangga said...
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
that's true but only if you juxtapose your problems with everyone else's and take it at face value.
i think no one's problem is bigger than the one's who is going through it. if pain is relative, so are problems.
personally, when i have a dilemma, like kunwari, should i stay or should i go, i feel that my problema is bigger than the famine in somalia. sometimes i even thnk that at least in somalia, other people go out of their way to help, eh sa kin ako lang yung makaka help sa self ko when i don't know what to do, or when i'm not brave enough to take action, i feel well, helpless.
so really biang, no matter how petty you think you problem is, it's big coz it's yours.
does that make sense?
--> biang's reply:
ate jing!
yes it's perfectly clear. that's why i think it's okay to cry and to rant. and, it's okay too to ask for friends to just be there.
i've felt so alone lately. i mean, i always feel alone, and i always am. but this is the first time in months that i finally admitted to myslef that i am as vulnerable as any caffeinated girl with big emotions. and then i felt so alone. big time.
i have people around me asking how i am, just out of a habit. but seriously, do they really want to know even if i really do want to tell? whereas more often than not, they ask that because a polite answer is to ask them back, and then they will get to release.
maybe i should make it a point to ask the question first.
i guess this whole thing made me think that hey, they have issues, and mine is puny.
even if it's bigger than the famine in somalia. and you're right. at least the jolie-pitts will get to them somehow, right? hehehe.
love you, ate jing! and thanks as always!
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
that's true but only if you juxtapose your problems with everyone else's and take it at face value.
i think no one's problem is bigger than the one's who is going through it. if pain is relative, so are problems.
personally, when i have a dilemma, like kunwari, should i stay or should i go, i feel that my problema is bigger than the famine in somalia. sometimes i even thnk that at least in somalia, other people go out of their way to help, eh sa kin ako lang yung makaka help sa self ko when i don't know what to do, or when i'm not brave enough to take action, i feel well, helpless.
so really biang, no matter how petty you think you problem is, it's big coz it's yours.
does that make sense?
--> biang's reply:
ate jing!
yes it's perfectly clear. that's why i think it's okay to cry and to rant. and, it's okay too to ask for friends to just be there.
i've felt so alone lately. i mean, i always feel alone, and i always am. but this is the first time in months that i finally admitted to myslef that i am as vulnerable as any caffeinated girl with big emotions. and then i felt so alone. big time.
i have people around me asking how i am, just out of a habit. but seriously, do they really want to know even if i really do want to tell? whereas more often than not, they ask that because a polite answer is to ask them back, and then they will get to release.
maybe i should make it a point to ask the question first.
i guess this whole thing made me think that hey, they have issues, and mine is puny.
even if it's bigger than the famine in somalia. and you're right. at least the jolie-pitts will get to them somehow, right? hehehe.
love you, ate jing! and thanks as always!
07 October 2006
06 October 2006
Un-shallow
I realized now why I haven't been blogging, and why it is that when I do write up an entry, it would be about some shallow thing like the weather, the shoes I want to have, or a little this or that about my pathetic non-love life.
It is because after I read an entry from Kerol, and she talks about marital problems or bliss and the kids who I very much adore who at their young ages are making everyone so proud, and when I would think that I do need to post something so as not to abandon this blog like I did to my other accounts, I pause and ask myself, "seriously, who do you think would want to know about your shallow drama? If you don't have something profound or creative to say or write about, don't say it. Otherwise, you're just taking up cyberspace that may be used for something useful like ebay or internet porn. At least that would give someone pleasure."
In a broader sense, I guess my shit is just not important. It's no contribution to society. It's just plain shallow.
I rant about a guy I'm deeply in love with who doesn't feel the slightest bit of affection. How pathetic is that? It should be an easy fix. Kerol and I were chatting the other day:
B: alam mo, super in love ako with this guy talaga.
B: tapos alam ko pang hindi nya ako love as much.
Kerol: biang_brat: tapos, alam ko pang hindi naman nya ako love as much...--edi lalong boo to me...kala ko ba love nya ako as much????
So see, I guess it is boo to her if that's her case right. And mine shouldn't be a problem.
But it does hurt. Because pain is relative. And maybe it's okay for me to complain, and rant, and be pathetic for my petty "dilemmas".
Kerol found solace in her room of solitude. It was her escape. Meaning, she has some things to escape from for her sanity. And that's good.
My life of solitude is tormenting. Quiet. Deafening silence type of thing. Unwanted. Unneeded. Unloved.
What do I live for? Who do I live for? Nothing. No one.
My friends are very much my friends that, like me, they know that no matter how much we won't talk or see each other, everything will stay the same. Although, they don't know, like I don't know, when I could really use one.
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
It is because after I read an entry from Kerol, and she talks about marital problems or bliss and the kids who I very much adore who at their young ages are making everyone so proud, and when I would think that I do need to post something so as not to abandon this blog like I did to my other accounts, I pause and ask myself, "seriously, who do you think would want to know about your shallow drama? If you don't have something profound or creative to say or write about, don't say it. Otherwise, you're just taking up cyberspace that may be used for something useful like ebay or internet porn. At least that would give someone pleasure."
In a broader sense, I guess my shit is just not important. It's no contribution to society. It's just plain shallow.
I rant about a guy I'm deeply in love with who doesn't feel the slightest bit of affection. How pathetic is that? It should be an easy fix. Kerol and I were chatting the other day:
B: alam mo, super in love ako with this guy talaga.
B: tapos alam ko pang hindi nya ako love as much.
Kerol: biang_brat: tapos, alam ko pang hindi naman nya ako love as much...--edi lalong boo to me...kala ko ba love nya ako as much????
So see, I guess it is boo to her if that's her case right. And mine shouldn't be a problem.
But it does hurt. Because pain is relative. And maybe it's okay for me to complain, and rant, and be pathetic for my petty "dilemmas".
Kerol found solace in her room of solitude. It was her escape. Meaning, she has some things to escape from for her sanity. And that's good.
My life of solitude is tormenting. Quiet. Deafening silence type of thing. Unwanted. Unneeded. Unloved.
What do I live for? Who do I live for? Nothing. No one.
My friends are very much my friends that, like me, they know that no matter how much we won't talk or see each other, everything will stay the same. Although, they don't know, like I don't know, when I could really use one.
There will always be a bigger problem than mine. So I should just keep mine to myself right and remain as shallow as I seem.
01 October 2006
6:30 pm
For the first time this season, the sun didn't shine in the sunny valley.
Not until 6:30 pm. How twisted is that?
I'm not a fall person. I'm not a winter person. There are two things I like about fall and winter. One: the fashion. Two: the cold breeze that makes snuggling so comforting.
But those bring some dilemmas. Fall/Winter clothing are more expensive. My favorite accessories (shades and hats) are out of place. And I just cannot pull off carrying an umbrella, even a trendy parasol. Oh, and snuggling is only good if you have a warm body to snuggle against. So your pillow, favorite stuff toy, or fleece blanket doesn't count. If you do have a warm body, but not on a regular basis, I won't count that either.
On the bright side, have been a couple of sales, and more to come. But as I pointed out that fashion gets pricier during these seasons, I'm taking advantage of the sales for home stuff, which is yey too. I finally bought the very much needed kitchen knives that I have been stalling with. And I got chic ones too with stainless steel handles. Hihihi.
How pathetic is this? I'm talking about the weather.
Not until 6:30 pm. How twisted is that?
I'm not a fall person. I'm not a winter person. There are two things I like about fall and winter. One: the fashion. Two: the cold breeze that makes snuggling so comforting.
But those bring some dilemmas. Fall/Winter clothing are more expensive. My favorite accessories (shades and hats) are out of place. And I just cannot pull off carrying an umbrella, even a trendy parasol. Oh, and snuggling is only good if you have a warm body to snuggle against. So your pillow, favorite stuff toy, or fleece blanket doesn't count. If you do have a warm body, but not on a regular basis, I won't count that either.
On the bright side, have been a couple of sales, and more to come. But as I pointed out that fashion gets pricier during these seasons, I'm taking advantage of the sales for home stuff, which is yey too. I finally bought the very much needed kitchen knives that I have been stalling with. And I got chic ones too with stainless steel handles. Hihihi.
How pathetic is this? I'm talking about the weather.
Soon-ish
I will love her... soon-ish. -- George (of Dr. Torres), Grey's Anatomy.
Is it really this way? Will he love me soon-ish too? Is it comforting or just plain kapikon?
Grrr.
Is it really this way? Will he love me soon-ish too? Is it comforting or just plain kapikon?
Grrr.
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